Today, Cooper would be 14. And we are all left to wonder at what sort of young man he would be now, if only. In my mind, he is forever 4, loving all things Cars cars, Handy Manny, Thomas, and Batman. He loved dancing to silly music, playing Mario games with his siblings, and watching whatever his very favorite movie of the moment was, over and over again. He laughed and when he laughed, you couldn't help but laugh along. Duckie and Oofie were always at his side and when he was being quiet, even for a minute, he would suck his thumb and rub his index finger and middle finger on the tag of one of his guys. He insisted on always always having a cup of iced water. He didn't really drink it, but he wanted it. He would shake his cup constantly to make sure that there was plenty of ice still in there because if he was going to actually take a sip of it, he wanted it cold. Even at night, if he woke up, he would make you go and get him fresh ice in his cup. The cuteness of that situation was 100% lost on me while we lived in the Ronald in Pittsburgh because we didn't have an icemaker and if we happened to run out in the middle of the night, I quite literally had to walk over to the hospital and get ice from the cafeteria. But he would NOT be put off and would obsess until I went for more ice. This is part of the reason why I basically never slept while we were in Pittsburgh. Between his med schedule and his ice needs, I never slept for more than 2 hours in a row for our entire 8 months in Pittsburgh. He didn't really eat much of anything, but what he DID eat, he was very picky about. His most favorite of all foods was Baked Doritos; he said that regular Doritos were too spicey. If we happened to be out of Baked Doritos, he would eat Machitas (Baked Cheetos) instead. Sometimes, he liked to dip his chips in salsa, which made the fact that regular Doritos were "too spicey" all the funnier. For his last birthday dinner, he requested Speggi (spaghetti), and we always gave him a small plate of food at the table with us. He would stick around for prayers (because he liked to pick which one we were saying and add in his own special ending) and then the smell of the food would overwhelm him and he'd get up and start wandering around the kitchen while the rest of us finished eating. He also loved wonton soup, but really just the broth, and he could tell if your tried to trick him with regular old bouillon with soy sauce in it. I ate a LOT of chinese food when we were in the hospital together. I ate the wontons from the soup and saved the broth in the hospital fridge for him. This is why I'm so fat! Cooper loved to be read to and he had some absolute favorites: any Llama Llama book, Backyardigan story, or Dr. Seuss. But his very favorite books were the Pigeon books. We read them so much that he had them memorized and loved to "read" them to other people with big voices and hand gestures. I was never able to get a good video of him reading to us and it is one of my biggest regrets. He didn't like to perform on command. He loved to shnuggle, as he called it, and we spent so much time in various hospital beds or in his bed or our bed or couch just snuggled together, holding hands and watching movies or shows. He would describe every scene of the movie to you as it happened and just giggle and giggle. More than anything else in the world, he loved his kids. He would follow them around the house and when he was too tired to do that, he was content to sit and watch them create mayhem all around him. He loved to chase them up and down the street in his jeep, while they road their bikes and scooters or just ran. If they were very lucky, he would let them catch a ride with him, but that was rare. No one else was allowed to drive his beloved jeep. The few times we took Cooper to church, he sang so loudly at inappropriate times that everyone who sat near us at the back of the sanctuary got quite a show. When the whole church sang, he sang along, but never sang the songs we were singing...he just sang whatever was on his heart at that moment. And he was so incredibly pleased with himself about it.
Our Cooper. He was the living embodiment of joy, no matter how badly he felt. We fought so hard for every single one of his 4 birthdays. He fought so hard for every single one of his 4 birthdays. We would have kept fighting, if only his little body would have allowed it. Unbelievably, it has been 10 years since we celebrated his 4th birthday. I don't know how that is possible. It doesn't seem possible. I pray that Heaven is filled with Baked Doritos and Speggi and Wonton Soup and Cake and his sweet, precious friends who are there with him. I know that his Poppop and Happy are celebrating with him today. I wish I was celebrating with him, too. Happy 14th birthday my sweet Cooper. I love you always and forever and I cannot wait to see you again.
